I Do, Forever.

After we had spent the majority of three and a half years on opposite sides of the Atlantic, as soon as he came to South Africa it was pretty clear, pretty quickly, that we didn’t ever want to be apart like that again.  We knew we belonged together. Of all the big decisions we have made, this one felt like one of the most obvious!

The thought of a big wedding, or even a small one, with people, and opinions, and expectations, and so much money, during a devastating global pandemic, where at least half the potential guests would have to travel? The whole thing honestly made me nauseous.  No shade to any single one of the beautiful, magical weddings I’ve seen in my feed in the last few months – you’re all gorgeous and I hope it was perfection! – but it’s just not for me. We knew we wanted to elope, and we tossed around several different countries and locations, but we decided that things are complicated enough, let’s not add a foreign government process to the list! 

Gideon left his car in Boston, so we knew we wanted to go somewhere on the east coast. I’d never been to Maine and it’s beautiful and rugged, and we were able to find an online friend who could officiate it and help us navigate the paperwork and location and the details we had to sort out from across the ocean. She was a saint and in today’s divided, angry world, those types of people renew my faith in humanity.

Anyway, we each invited a friend to be witness to our promises to each other, which we wrote on the plane on the way across the ocean. Here’s a little bit of it:

Mine:  I promise to always choose us. I promise to choose love, to believe the best, to be generous, to be kind, and never try to change who you are. I promise to love you more tomorrow than I do today.  I promise to not get too grouchy when you beat me at board games or bowling, and to take care of you even when we are old, smelly, and senile.  I promise to always laugh with you, to be honest, to tell you when you’ve missed a spot when shaving or when your clothes don’t match.  I promise to be responsible for my own happiness and not put that on you, and to always dream together and do everything we can to achieve those dreams. I take you now as my husband, for as long as we have on earth, together.

His: I promise to love you, hold you closer with every hug, and live to fill our days with smiles and laughter.  I promise to say yes to adventures, test my comfort zone, trust in your experience, and appreciate your willingness to share your joy of travel.  I promise to be by your side through any challenge you may come up against, we’ll face life’s challenges together, especially if it’s finishing desert in bed.  I promise to do the dishes when you’re cooking, be your sous chef, chief taste tester, and I promise to always tell you when you’ve got something stuck in your teeth.  I promise to be your lifetime tech support and will put an end to any faulty electronics that stand in your way including the clock on the oven.  I promise to care for Jay, your dog, as if he was my own, and cherish every moment we have as a family together.  I take you now as my wife, for as long as we have on earth, together.

We put together a ceremony with all the bits and pieces we loved, including an exchange of rings, and went to a pretty place in Cape Elizabeth with our two best friends and an officiant and her friend who snapped a few photos with an iphone, where we said I Do, Forever. It was absolutely perfect. 

Then we made it official at City Hall.

Then we made quick visits to upstate New York for his family and Minnesota for mine, before jetting back to South Africa and this loving monster.

So we’re back in South Africa, heading into summer, and enjoying our lives together as a family! We decided early on in our relationship to keep it private, i.e., not for public consumption, and we know it was a surprise for a lot of people! Hopefully, you see it as a good surprise. I certainly do!

To answer a few common questions:

1. I’m not changing my name.
2. We aren’t doing a honeymoon right now because every day is a honeymoon with this guy 😉 and, this whole flying across the planet to elope and rings and everything was a bit of an unplanned expense, so we’ll take a trip somewhere exotic and call it a honeymoon sometime later on.
3. He’s working remotely from SA at the same job he had in Boston, and it’s working out great.
4. My contract limit in South Africa is still two and a half years away, so we’ll be here awhile longer before looking at where the next job might take us
5. Jay loves him ❤